Marian has not missed a Sunday in nineteen years. She runs the prayer chain. She was married forty-one years and widowed four years ago.
In February she stopped putting anything in the offering plate. In April she took out a home equity loan. In June she asked the treasurer, oddly, whether wire transfers to Hong Kong were normal.
Nobody put it together, because nobody was looking, and because Marian had told no one about the man she’d spoken with every day since January — a widowed contractor working overseas, a believer, someone she prayed with most nights before bed. By August she had sent him everything she had, and she still didn’t believe he was a fraud when her son sat her down with the evidence.
Some version of this is happening in your congregation right now, and the reason you haven’t heard about it is the most important fact in this article.
What we’re actually talking about
The FBI calls it confidence fraud — confidence/romance fraud in its annual crime report. Its definition covers anyone who believes they are in a relationship — romantic, friendly, or familial — and is tricked into sending money or information. Romance is only one flavor. A friendship works, and so does a fake grandchild in trouble.
In 2025 the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center logged 23,159 confidence and romance fraud complaints, with reported losses of $929,287,469 — of which 10,188 complaints and $584,032,745 came from people aged 60 and over. Those figures understate the problem badly, because most victims never report. This is the crime people are most ashamed of, and shame keeps it off the ledger.
You may also have heard the phrase “pig butchering” — the operators’ own term for fattening a target with attention and small wins before taking everything. It’s an ugly thing to say about a member of your church; the honest description is confidence fraud with an investment ending.
How it actually works
The shape is remarkably consistent, and the shape is what you can hand your congregation.
It starts sideways. Often with a text to the wrong number — “Hi David, are we still on for lunch Thursday?” — then a polite reply, a warm apology, and a conversation. The FTC lists “‘wrong number’ texts that aren’t” among the top reported text scams and describes what follows exactly: “These scammers strike up a fake friendship, often with romantic undertones.” It also begins in dating apps, Facebook groups, and comment threads under Christian pages.
Money is not mentioned for a long time. Weeks, frequently months. This is what everyone gets wrong: they picture a stranger asking for money on day three. What happens instead is a hundred days of good-morning texts and how did the appointment go and remembering the anniversary of a spouse’s death. By the time money appears there is a real relationship, real on one side, and real relationships are where guards are down by design.
There’s always a reason you can never meet. Working overseas, on an oil rig, in the military. Video calls don’t work, or are brief and strange, or lately synthetic — the FBI notes that scammers promise to meet and then cancel, and increasingly use deepfakes.
The ending has two forms. Either a crisis — a medical emergency, a customs fee, a frozen account — or, increasingly, an investment. He’s done well trading cryptocurrency and offers to teach her. She puts a small amount into a platform that looks entirely professional, watches it grow, and withdraws a little successfully — the moment the trap closes. Then she puts in more, and when she tries to withdraw there are taxes to pay first. The FBI is blunt: “This is a trap.”
Faith is used as the lever, deliberately
This is the part that will make you angry.
Scripts written for churchgoing targets include church. He was raised in the faith. He’s been looking for a congregation since he moved. He asks what she’s been reading and sends a verse in the morning. He prays with her on the phone — at length, and well, because someone in the operation has studied the vocabulary.
It works for a specific reason: in a faith community, shared belief is a legitimate accelerant for trust. That is not a flaw in your people — it’s why a church can care for its members in a way a subdivision cannot. The fraud borrows that instinct, which is why the usual advice, don’t trust strangers online, lands wrong. He isn’t a stranger. He’s a brother in Christ who calls every night.
Why they defend him
By the time anyone notices, it isn’t about money. She is not defending an investment. She is defending a relationship — and the person telling her it isn’t real is telling her that the best thing in her life since her husband died was a fiction built by strangers. Admitting that means accepting, all at once, that the money is gone, that eight months were invented, that everyone will find out, and that she participated. The mind does not take all of that on a Tuesday afternoon in a kitchen. It resists, and resistance looks like stubbornness from outside.
The scammer prepared the ground months ago. Operators inoculate against interference early: your children won’t understand. Your church will judge us. People will say I’m after your money. So the son arrives with his printouts having already been predicted — which makes the scammer look right and the son look like the thing foretold.
Confrontation therefore backfires. Pressing harder, producing more evidence, gathering the family: all of it deepens the commitment, because every concession costs more than the last. What helps is slower — staying in relationship, asking questions rather than issuing verdicts, and being there when the belief cracks. It usually cracks on its own, when a withdrawal fails or the demands turn cold.
One more fact belongs in your teaching. The person typing those messages is very often not a criminal in any sense your church would recognize. The FBI has warned that fake job advertisements lure people to Southeast Asia, where they are “held against their will, intimidated, and forced to commit international cryptocurrency investment fraud schemes” — passports taken, violence threatened, debts manufactured and raised each time they’re moved between compounds. The man praying with Marian at eleven at night may be someone who answered an ad for a customer service job and is beaten if he misses his numbers. That reduces the harm to Marian by nothing, but it moves the anger away from a caricature and toward an industry destroying people at both ends.
What a leader can actually do
Talk about it from the front, before it happens to anyone. Five minutes on a Sunday, and the highest-value thing on this page. Say plainly that this happens to church people, that it is not a stupidity problem, and that anyone caught in it can say so without being ashamed. Silence is the environment the fraud requires.
Name the patterns out loud. Vague warnings don’t help. These do:
- Someone you have never met in person who talks about faith early and often.
- A “wrong number” text that turns into a friendship.
- Moving quickly from a dating app or Facebook to WhatsApp, Telegram, or private texting.
- Video calls that never quite happen.
- Any investment introduced by a romantic interest — no exceptions, however well it’s going.
- Being told your family and your church will not understand.
- Any request to receive money and pass it along — that is money laundering.
Give your people one rule to hold onto: before you send money to someone you have never met, tell one other human being. Not for permission — just say it out loud. Isolation is the load-bearing wall of the scheme.
Tell your finance volunteers what to watch for. A long-standing giver who stops abruptly. Unusual questions about wire transfers, cryptocurrency, or gift cards. A member who suddenly needs benevolence help and won’t say why. None is proof; each is worth a gentle conversation.
Build your older-adult ministry with this in mind. In 2025 the FBI logged 201,266 complaints from people aged 60 and over, totalling $7.748 billion — complaints up 37% and losses up 59% in a single year, average loss $38,500. Loneliness is the underlying vulnerability, and it is the one thing a church is unusually equipped to address.
When someone tells you
Assume it took weeks to work up to it, and that they arrived braced for your disappointment.
Believe them and don’t flinch. The first thirty seconds set everything. Thank you for telling me. You’re not the first person I’ve talked to about this.
Never ask how they could have fallen for it — not once, not as a joke, not months later. That question closes the door for good. And don’t demand they accept it’s fake all at once. Ask questions instead: has he ever been able to video call? What happened when you tried to take money out? Let the contradictions do their own work.
Move to practical steps quickly, because action helps a person in shock more than reassurance does. Stop sending money today. Report it at ic3.gov with dates, amounts, account numbers, wallet addresses, and transaction IDs. Call the bank or platform that sent it and ask about a recall. If personal information was shared, go to identitytheft.gov. Keep everything — the messages, the photos, the app.
Be honest that recovery is rare. Where money is still in transit the FBI’s Recovery Asset Team can act — 3,574 domestic incidents and $507,042,623 frozen in 2025 — but that depends on speed, and this is usually found months late.
Then warn them about the second scam, by name. Victims get re-targeted, often within weeks, by “recovery services” offering to retrieve the stolen funds for an upfront fee. The FBI has repeatedly warned about fictitious law firms contacting cryptocurrency fraud victims with exactly this offer, and about criminals impersonating the IC3 itself. Say it plainly: nobody who contacts you first can get your money back.
Then the part that is actually your work. When you sit with someone in the weeks afterward, you’ll find the money — even a devastating amount of it — is not what they cry about. They cry because he’s gone. Because the person who texted good morning every day for eleven months, who prayed with them, who knew their late husband’s birthday, did not exist.
That is a bereavement and deserves to be treated as one. They lost a relationship and are expected to feel foolish for having had it, which is exactly why so many never tell anyone.
Your job is not to explain how the fraud worked; they’ll learn that. Your job is to make sure they aren’t alone in the kitchen, and to say more than once that the love they gave was real even though the person receiving it wasn’t. Both are true. Only one of them is a crime.
What to do this week
Say it from the front on Sunday. Two minutes: This is happening to church people. It starts as a friendship, often with someone who talks about faith. It takes months. If you’re in it, come talk to me and nobody will make you feel foolish.
Then four lines in the newsletter: never send money to someone you have never met; never invest on the advice of a romantic interest; tell one other person before you send anything; report it at ic3.gov.
Two minutes on a Sunday and one call to your communications volunteer, and you’ve removed the shame that keeps this crime invisible.
MissionDefend’s free assessment covers the organization’s own posture — email, donations, member data, and accounts — and returns a baseline score with a ranked list of what to fix first. A good companion to the work of protecting the people in the pews.
No spam and no sales calls — just one email when it’s live.
Related reading
- the threatening email leaders receive and never mention
- how cloned voices and video now support these lies
- warning members about messages that borrow your pastor’s name
MissionDefend provides cybersecurity readiness assessments and educational guidance for churches and nonprofits. It is not a penetration test, a security audit, legal advice, or an incident response service.
Sources: FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center, 2025 Internet Crime Report; FBI, Cryptocurrency Investment Fraud; FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center, The FBI Warns of False Job Advertisements Linked to Labor Trafficking at Scam Compounds; FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center, Fictitious Law Firms Targeting Cryptocurrency Scam Victims Combine Multiple Exploitation Tactics While Offering to Recover Funds; FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center, FBI Warns of Scammers Impersonating the IC3; Federal Trade Commission, Top text scams of 2024.










